lost_in_my_love

I almost got around to writing an entry...maybe next time. I'm still alive though!

This is the first time I've actually had time to like...sit down and be bored enough to write an entry. Well, not bored enough, but, I figured I might as well.

As of right now I have the flu, and I have an itching feeling I got it because I may be over working myself. Like I always do. But the good news is, from having 0 days off, we had another supervisor come back and so she's going to take my Sunday shift, since I picked up a Tuesday shift....and then my Sunday's will be completely free! This will be nice because I'll get to sleep in, and just relax. I'll get to go hiking again with Neil. I'll have a full day of practice I can do. I can do whatever I want with my day.

Then again, with over working myself...I've also been incredibly bored. I do the same thing every day, every week and it's so boring. I don't have drum corps to look forward to, or marching band...or anything. It's just a boring life and I'm not extremely passionate about anything that I'm doing right now, so it makes life a little dull. But I'm looking to pick up a job this summer teaching with a corps, so if I can do that, that would be great!

And I mean...other than that, nothing new has happened. Still waiting to start making plans on where Neil and I will be moving to, but to get him to do paperwork is a little bit of a hassle. I figured when it gets around February and nothing's been done yet...then I'll really get on him about it. Until then, whatever...less things to worry about right?

Well...it's been a while! So many things have happened...and I probably won't remember all of them...but I'll try.

First things first though. I aged out of Drum Corps. Oh jeez. At the time it was exciting because I was still dealing with out of control headaches and my body not cooperating with ANYTHING. (The last few days I was randomly throwing up places, it was crazy). So, I was excited. Now? I miss it. Which shouldn't be a surprise, at all, since I'm a drum corps freak. Aside from all of that, we finished out the season wonderfully. It was such an amazing season. It paralleled the show so much, which was awesome. The vibe was good, the atmosphere was good, everything was good about this season, every single thing. To have aged out with The Academy with a season like that? Amazing. Not to say there weren't struggles, there definitely were. But in the end it the progress you remember, the good memories and all the fun you had. And as much as I love The Academy...I feel like I can end a chapter in my life and start something new, move on to school, teaching or whatever else comes my way (cross your fingers for another Japan tour in 2010!)

So I got back from drum corps, and during the last few weeks I had been in contact with Annie telling her I wouldn't be able to march because I needed to take the time to relax to get better and let my brain heal. So, about 2 or so weeks after that I get a phone call from Annie telling me to give Scott Matlick a call because there would be a way that I would still be involved with The Pride without marching. So, it comes down to the fact that they wanted me to come on as a semi-professional staff member (not being paid, but getting all of the teaching experience!) to work with the tubas for the most part. And so, I came to Tucson and everyday after work and 2 morning blocks I was out there with the POA tubas working on music, drill, basics and everything. Wow it was great! And I'm still working with them for the rest of the season. I got my work schedule all planned out to where I can attend some rehearsals. Which is awesome. I'm very excited to continue my work with them this season! And it's been great seeing all of my Pride friends again, especially Annie and Danielle :)

I'll finish the band segment out, by talking about my classes. I'm currently taking 1 credit (Brass Tech!) which is all I can afford because one credit is $576.00. Which is INSANE. But, whatever, I'm still a student. So with taking that class, I talked to Kelly Thomas and have signed myself up for lessons with him weekly, and he'll still let me partake in Master Class, Warm-Ups and Quartets and the Tuba Ensemble for the semester. Which is awesome, because I'll really be able to work a lot with the tuba this semester, which is something I really haven't been able to do in a long time. Also, as long as Dr. Bayless permits I'll be taking Campus Band as well, playing Euphonium for the first part of the semester and tuba for the second part of the semester since there are 2 concerts. My chops will be awesome :)

Outside of band, I've got work going on. I've worked just about 80 hours over the past two weeks, which has been great. It's nice to be back down at the UofA store, because my employees are awesome and I'm so close to the school. We brought another supervisor on, but I'm still convinced I'm better than he is ;) But I'll be working right around the full time mark, maybe a little less like 30 hours or so. But it's good, I'll have a steady income with a job I enjoy.

Outside of all the boring stuff...I didn't see Neil for like 2 months! So I got all dressed up and picked him up form the airport and we've been pretty inseparable since, haha. I'm really glad he's back though. I'm just really really comfortable with him, and he still treats me so well. What we have is something really special, so I'm excited to see what the future holds :)

And now I feel all expended. That seems like that's everything that's been going on. Life is good, there is no complaining here :)

Oh wait, I thought of something to complain about real quick. My head is still bothering me. Not AS intense as drum corps, but there are days when I go into work and I'm dizzy and I feel like I'm going throw up and get ridiculous headaches. But hopefully I'm getting health insurance by September 1st through Paradise, and if not, I'll have it by October. Which will be good cause I'll need to definitely get a cat-scan and a MRI. So, we'll see how that goes.

Ok, now I'm done :)

I always so good and refreshed after hanging out with Jill. All we ever do really is sit around and talk and catch up on life because we're never around each other that much anymore. But it's great. She's one of the people I can completely open myself to and be completely honest with. And we're total goof balls too, which is a good release from the seriousness of life.

My head still hurts, same old same old. But I've got drugs and now I'm going on the road, so all I can do is deal with it until drum corps is over.

I leave tomorrow for my last tour with The Academy, EVER. And I'm very very excited. I'm excited to get on the road and away from Arizona, because it's way too hot here. I'm really excited to see friends in other corps, and especially a lot of Odyssey girls who will be at a bunch of shows. I'm excited to improve the show and really really kick some ass. And I'm excited to age out with some of my favorite people ever. It's going to be a good rest of the season, the season has been good so far, but it's going to end even better.

I'll update if I can while I'm on the road...we'll see what happens. I hope you all have a wonderful rest of your summer! :)

So far, this season has been such an emotional ride. I'm still out for the count from that stupid concussion. The headaches have gotten a lot better, but they still happen everyday. It's horrible, I hate it. I can't even count the number of times that I've thought about quitting just so they can find someone else to fill my whole who can rehearse all day and who can do the job better than I can. But every time I try to bring this up to friends, they tell me to shut up and do what I need to do (in a nice supportive way of course). But, I'm just frustrated because I'm still not able to put in the same work as everyone else, I hate being the only one not able to do things. But I hate it even more that it's in situation that I have no control over. I just have to wait it out I guess. It just sucks and I'm not that patient.

But, this season other than that has been great. The vibe of the corps is awesome. There are so many great things about this season, and I'm even having fun given the circumstances. We have all of the horn line spots, in fact, we have every hole on the field filled. It's great. We're adding more changes to the show and really improving the stuff we've got now. I'm really really excited for this season.

I'm just waiting for the headaches to go away. And I can't wait for this season to happen. We have 4 more rehearsal days in Arizona and then we're on the road until the end. 5 weeks left. That's crazy. 5 more weeks of drum corps in my whole entire life. Ooh boy, and I thought I was emotional now.

I just had a conversation with Kristi, who informed me that she also had a concussion last spring. She told me about how long the symptoms lasted, and her meds and what it was like. And oh my gosh. I am SO relieved that I wasn't like, making this up in my head. Do you ever feel like that? You think you're sick but it's all a mental game? That's what I was afraid it was. But now that I actually talked to someone who went through the same things I'm going through, it lifts the heaviest burden off of my shoulders. Everyone's different and everyone heals differently, but she got better. And I have the confidence that I will get better too.

And I'm taking a little day trip to Tucson to pay some parking tickets (HA OOPS), but meanwhile, I'll get to see Neil, which will be great.

I think this is the first time I've had hope, and been happy in about 2 1/2 weeks...it feels great. I really really hope things continue to get better from here.

So. I went to rehearsal on Monday and after the first block I knew I wasn't ok. So I went to the doctors during the afternoon and the doctor told me I have Post Concussion Syndrome and that I should quit drum corps, because it will take about a month for me to fully heal. And this is a month to heal without any strenuous activity. Last time I checked drum corps was extremely strenuous. So. I'm going to keep doing corps anyway, but Tuesday I took the day off and felt ok. So I went back Wednesday, and the first two blocks went ok, which was great. But I watched the run through and that was a huge mistake. Being in front of all of that noise killed my head. So I took the pain medication that the doctor gave to me, and ended up having dizzy spells the rest of the night and felt like I was going to pass out. Clayton freaked out, and has been playing mommy. (Which I appreciate, I just hate it because in order for me to get better I have to miss rehearsal) So, I've been instructed to stay home and not do anything until Monday. I'm REALLY REALLY hoping that I'll be a lot better by Monday, especially since we perform our first show on Friday and we compete for the first time on Saturday.

I just hope things will get better. I don't think anyone understands how much it REALLY sucks that I'm sitting at home, getting weaker and not getting any better when the rest of my corps mates are out there growing closer to each other, getting stronger, getting better and getting the most out of their summer. I need to get back.

I'm extremely, extremely frustrated by my head. I ended up getting a concussion about a week and a half ago, and I'm still getting headaches daily, even when I'm not running around outside. I'm not sure if anyone really understands how much I hate sitting out. Because I hate it. But, I go to rehearsal anyway and I rehearse until I can't take the pain anymore and then I sit out. It's that or stay home. And fuck staying home. I'm just frustrated because evil advil or ibuprofen doesn't work anymore. I need to go to the doctors, but I don't have health insurance. This is a mess. And I'm really upset about the whole situation.

And I miss Neil a lot. But we actually got to have a conversation on the phone today, and that was really nice.

On the other hand, we had our indoor theater performance this weekend. THAT was great. A good performance opportunity and it was great to be back on a stage, brought back a lot of memories from Odyssey, so that was a lot of fun. And just the whole experience was great. It was a good bonding time for the whole corps, and it was really cool to see everyone come together.

Now we're onto another week of rehearsals. All I can hope is that I survive I guess. We'll see!

I'm going to take a few minutes to appreciate Neil.

First of all, this is brought up because I've been hanging out with my brother the past few days and today he had to do some room cleaning, and I guess his girlfriend wanted him to be at a party of hers, but he was cleaning and wasn't really interested in going to the party right away. So, he told her he was still cleaning when he called and that I had told him he needed to do it before he could leave tonight (which is true) and she responds with 'And who is she to be telling you what to do?' Hahaha, well, let me tell you, I'm definitely not his older sister, who took over the mom job since our mom passed away. So, John was really upset with her and just pissed in general at her and he says that they fight all the time and I feel bad.

Neil and I have never fought. Granted, we've only been dating for about 3 1/2 months. But, we have pretty much been living with one another, we do each others laundry, we clean up after each other, we buy things for each other, you know, stuff that people do in relationships after they're a while in. (I think?) ((Haha, granted, I have no idea how normal relationships work ;) )) But, yeah, we've never fought. Well, that's a lie, we did have an extended argument on whether jackets with zippers were jackets and sweatshirts. He finally won, but I'll still call it a jacket.

Also, he is genuinely nice to me. For the past few years I've been chasing after the guys who...are not nice. So, to be treated, with respect and care and kindness. It's ridiculous. I'd like to point out that Jill and I talk about this every time we hang out pretty much, and we both agree it's about time.

And he's honest. In the good way, not in the rude way. And I could probably go on and on and on about the great things that Neil is. And how truly happy I am with him.


So, it would figure I leave for the summer right about now ;)

Anyway. To cut it short. I'm glad I found a good guy. Or, wait, let me re-phrase that. I'm glad that he was persistent about dating me for 2 years before I finally agreed. Oops, my bad :P

Well well well. Here's to the end of this semester and the beginning of the summer. I just finished my semester, which included, 1 class, 1 job and 1 boyfriend. And multiple bowling nights on Tuesdays. Hah. So, I guess, it doesn't look like a lot. But I was pretty much always busy from 9am to 7pm every night and then during the evenings I hung out with Neil, and bowled, and ate a lot of food and didn't do shit for playing and working out (oops!)

But, now I'm on summer break, yesterday, today, tomorrow and Thursday.

And then Academy starts on Friday.

That came really really really fast. No idea if there will be another update before or during the season. If not I'll catch everyone up in August. As long as spring training doesn't kill me ;)

Hope you all have a wonderful summer!

Actually, just racing against the time of my computers life, it says it has 31 more minutes of battery, but it's more like 17 minutes. I would go get my cord...but Neil's asleep and this is like the only day this week (minus Friday) that he's gotten to sleep in...and man does he like sleeping in. I'd like to point out that it is 12:30, haha.

Neil's recital was great! He played very well and his pieces were interesting, which was a huge plus. I enjoyed it a lot and even meeting his parents wasn't that bad. His dad is SO tall. And they're both definitely from New York, haha. But, I think I put out a good impression, and I tried to be more social than I usually am. I think they were a little bothered that I'm not in school because that got brought up quite a lot. But I swear I'm going back, like is too boring without learning new stuff. The only place I learn new things is when Neil and I stumble or from when Eddie shares a piece of his mind to me when I'm complaining to him, and tells me how to deal with a situation.

This past week I worked 40+ hours which was great. I only have 583$ more dollars to pay for Academy, and two more paychecks. The only thing is is that I'm not going to have any money over the summer. I already confronted my father about it. And seriously, I stopped accepting constant money from him when I was 18, and only asked for some when I really needed it. So, in the long run, I saved him a lot, and he's only been working and supporting himself, since my brother doesn't live at the house too often anymore, and he's gotten back on track and even started saving, so, I don't feel too extremely guilty.

Other than money shinanigans, life has been great. Funny how finding someone you can rely on at any time, and know that they'll be there when you get home makes things so much better. I can't believe it's only ALMOST 3 months in the beginning of May....because it seems like so much longer than that. It's eerie. And the great thing is is that were learning about each other and learning how to read each other as well. And I'm sure me cleaning his house all the time makes it better for me too ;) WHICH IS STRANGE. Because last time I checked I wasn't a fan of cleaning. But, for some reason, I don't mind doing it here. Having his kitchen clean is an amazing feeling, haha. I wish I had pictures of his kitchen from before. Definitely could tell that 2 guys lived in his house.

Academy is coming up very quickly. I'll be home in Phoenix in about 22 days, and Academy started 4 days later. My last season. It's kind of bitter sweet. Academy is great. But my body...damn, I've never hurt so much in my life after rehearsals (which will make the summer quite interesting). But, Clayton and I once again are as close as ever. I love that kid. Maybe one of the best people I've had the chance to be around and learn from. AND hanging out with him is never a bore. I'm thankful that somehow Clayton and I became good friends. On a funny side note, if any of you bandos remember senior speeches and me bawling my eyes out at them? Academy has 'age-out' speeches. And I know I'm going to cry, the funny thing is that I come off as such a tough bitch to EVERYONE in the corps, I'm gonna get up there not say anything and just start crying and people might lose their minds. And can't talk about that anymore because now I'm getting teary-eyed just thinking about it. (That's how you know you've put your everything into something)

And life is good. Seriously. I'm happy, and when I'm not happy give me a few minutes at home with Neil, and I'm happy again. It boggles my mind. There's no more of this fake shit, this is real, and it's great.

I have to meet Neil's parents this weekend sometime. I'm pretty much scared shitless, considering the first thing his dad asked Neil when he told him he had a girlfriend was 'Is she Jewish?' Fuckin religions getting in the way and shit. Ha. And the fact that I have tattoos, and am an Aryan Nazi look-a-like (the last part is totally a joke). But yeah, sooo...that's going to be interesting.

Life is going well. Working a lot, trying to pick up hour when I can, because even though I'm making more money than I ever have in my life...I'm still over drafting and still spending more money than I have. Gosh, I'm so bad with money it's not even funny.

On the other hand, with work, it's going really well. I'm almost sure to have a manager spot next fall, and I'll have that for at least a year, which will be great. I'll have to pay for a few classes during the fall and my bills...but I can actually start saving my money. And I'm extremely excited for that, it's going to be great.

Well, busy weekend ahead, I've gotta go get ready to pack up some stuff at the apartment, drive up to Phoenix, hang with my dad, go perform with Academy, rehearsal tomorrow morning then back to Tucson, Neil's recital that evening along with a giant party, followed by some awesome Chase Morgan time on Sunday. Been waiting for this weekend for a while...ofcourse it's all downhill from here.

I leave Tucson in 3 weeks or so...uh-oh. Then Academy starts up and then I don't see Neil every day. Mmmhmmm...

I'm happy to tell you all that life is going very well and I'm enjoying every moment of it. and that's about all I have to say :)

I hope you all are enjoying yourselves as well! :)

Watch me get REALLY REALLY ahead of myself.

So I'm thinking school full time next semester isn't gonna happen. I think instead I'm going to do marching band and studio just so I can keep playing and keep around the music scene. Here's why.

I'm going to come back from tour and be broke as fuck. Which isn't a surprise. Now originally I was going to get back into school and go to school on a scholarship and some student loans and not work, or work part time and then just be busy ALL the time. The thing is though...my bills every money next semester are going to be around...200 in paying back loans, 100 for car insurance, 400 or so for rent and some sort of cell phone bill, but I haven't figured out that one yet. That's like close to 800 a month. And my loan and scholarship money would be gone in a snap. So, I think instead, I'll do my band-o things and work full time. Now, here's another interesting tid-bit, I'm going to talk to my boss again, but, I'm sure with this gonna be back full time thing...I'm almost positive he would put me in management training, and I would be a manager making salary in no time. So, there's the money fix.

And here's another thing, and writing it here is going to me make sound VERY stupid and EXTREMELY naive, but oh well. Neil graduates next May and wants to go to Graduate school and won't be staying in AZ. So, if things are still going well between us, of course I'm going to go with him. So, I think it'd be kind of dumb on my part to go into school and then drop out of the University again and try to do transfer credits and blah blah blah. I think I'd rather get my schooling done in one place, so I can just settle down for a few years and do it.

Speaking of. The Neil thing is really well. Maybe it's because I've never been with someone who treated me so well, and maybe I'm getting in over my head. But with the way things are going, I kind of see us lasting for a while. Maybe not forever, way too coon to tell for that, but I think we'll make a pretty good run. Granted, I really have no idea because I have zero experience in anything dating and relationship wise. But oh well.

This is life! Why not fuck up and make mistakes every once in a while. Why not actually get out and live and do new things. There's always time for school...which I've been saying for a while. Why not have some fun and get out and experience what life has to offer. I think I'm okay with that. Because I definitely don't want to be in Tucson forever...no fucking way.

So, there are my random really fucked up thoughts for now :)

Hope you all are doing well!

I feel so lame for never writing in here anymore. I don't even write in my hand-written journal either. All I do is, wake up, go to warm-up (or sleep in if I'm feeling lazy), go to class and go to work, or just go to work an hour and a half earlier than I usually would. Then I work till 6, drive home, sometimes spend 45 minutes eating dinner at home, or I just go to Neil's. Then I spent time with Neil and I go to bed and start the next day over. Academy interjects here and there, and when I do have actual days off they're usually spent catching up on sleep, or eating a bunch of food and doing a whole lot of nothing. You don't even know how excited I am for next semester. There will be no more Academy (which is fucking crazy), and I'll be in school, doin' the school thing, doing the marching band thing and doing the work thing (part time!). It's a change, and I think I'm ready to get back into school...until I find something else that distracts me.

Subject change.

I was taking a catering delivery up to a hospital yesterday and on my way I was at a stop light to turn left. In Tucson there are usually homeless people selling newspapers at every intersection. I pull up on this one guy, who is handicapped (I think both mentally and physically) and he's holding a sign that says 'Don't laugh, at least I'm trying'.

And that fucked me up.

I'm not sure how I felt, but I felt a giant crushing pain in the pit of my stomach, and I felt really guilty. Why? Because. I have so much, and there are a lot of people who don't have that. Then again, I felt angry, because that was definitely a ploy on making people feel guilty so he could get money, or food or whatever he was looking for. I dunno, mixed emotions, but I wasn't quite right the rest of the day.

Work is work. I'm a supervisor, but I'm a very qualified supervisor, and also younger, so I connect more with the employees, because I have a deeper bond with them, and I'm there all the time on the floor with them, almost all the time. So I hear all the snide bitching, all the comments, all the fucked up shit people say and think about how the place is run, and how the management is running. So, people bitch to me a lot about the managers. And it puts me in a HORIBBLE position. It's employees vs managers and I'm right in the fuckin middle. And I don't like it. My manager knows about it too, and he's often said he worries about me, because it's a lot of stuff to handle. Especially since I'm not the best at controlling emotions in front of the employees and putting my hand down to stop the bullshit. It's a learning process sure, but I feel like so much is resting on my shoulders with expectations from the employees and then from my managers, and believe it or not, they're completely OPPOSITE of each other. So it's kinda fucked up. But, I'm working on it. Good news is is that my manager Eddie, really likes what I do, and he wants to make me manager. But he wants to make me manager over the summer, when I have Academy...so, that's not going to happen.

Academy...oh Academy. Nick quit to go to BD. Tyler quit...because he has personal problems? I still don't buy that by the way. Jared is going to the Euph section. SO. That leaves me and Clayton, and 3 other 2nd year vets, 1 who is a pretty strong, and the other 2 might as well be rookies...sooo....the good news is, Clayton and I can work the section how we want because we're working on the same team, the bad news is, is that we're not strong, playing or marching. And that's bad. We'll get there I know, it's only March, but still. Worrisome. But, personally, I'm doing well, I've even been pulled out a few times to demonstrate some movement techniques, which is a HUGE compliment. And gives me a little extra spark of confidence, and I feel a lot better about how I look when I move.

Other than that, the rest of my life is Neil, who is home in New York right now, LAME. But, things are going well. I'm still surprised every day when I sit back and think and realize that I'm into him so much more than I ever anticipated. I guess it's just nice to be treated well. Not that I was never treated well in relationships (Except maybe for Ryan M...HAHAHAHA). But, after not being in one for about 4 years, and coming back into it and being treated beyond well. Well, it's just shocking for me, I guess. It's just something I'm really not used to at all.

I miss my friends, and wish I could hang out more. But, such is life and I make plans when I'm not too exhausted. And yeah. There's a huge update on my life. Nothing is really too bad actually, so, I guess that's good :)

So, I'm looking at my cat. (I own a cat now because Corbin adopted one, but hates him so I've taken him under my wing) And I can't even say how awesome it would be to live the life of a cat. I enjoy cuddling with Neil, and falling asleep with him, maybe one of my favorite things to do. And that's all this cat does! Aside from attacking people, but seriously. He sleeps around the house all day and gets love and he gets attention and pets, and I'm so jealous of the life of my cat.

But, all in all, life is not bad. I started taking birth control a week ago, which is cool and all. But I think I'm experiencing weird mood swings. I can't really tell because I'm still sick from like 3 weeks ago, so that might be to blame. No idea, but we'll see what happens. Things with Neil are fine. We have a little bit different life styles, he generally stays up a lot later than I do and then sleeps a lot later than I'm able to (because of work and school), but there are other things that make us click really well...like our love for sleep, and being lazy. Well, I'm lazy when I can afford to be, I think he's just more lazy than me in general, ha. But I think things are going well with us, it's been 3 weeks now that we've been together. It's REALLY strange to spend so much time with someone though, I'll say that, especially since I'm usually a very to myself person and independent. Work is going ok. I'm taking on more responsibilities and instead of being 'the friend' I'm really trying to instill some order in the store and trying to get things into a set system instead of everything being all crazy all the time. And, that's about all I've got going on.

I still want to be a cat though. What a life.

So, there was one point in my early marching career where I had gotten to the point of having 0 confidence. There was one person during the season of 07 that came out and bluntly told me I could be so much better at everything I do if I just had the confidence. It's taken about 2 years or so, but I can't get over the fact that what he said was true. I'll never be able to thank him enough for everything that he's done for me.

Life is going well! Work drains all of my energy and I feel really bad because I fall asleep so early when I'm with Neil. But having to work on Monday to Thursday and then having the next 3 days off (depending on if I have Academy or not) is a great time to catch up.
Neil and I are also doing well. I wasn't sure what to expect out of this relationship, but I enjoy the way things are going right now. I enjoy my time spent with him, yet my life isn't consumed by him. Which is great because I still have my freedom.
Academy is also going very well. Much better than last year by far. And the music is wonderful! And so much fun to play. It's going to be great to put on the field. It still hasn't hit me yet that this is my age out and really...there won't be any more Academy in 6 months. Which is really crazy because it's basically consumed my life for the past 2 1/2 years.

Happy Valentines Day!

Life has been, well, really interesting! Needless to say.

So, I've been working a lot. In the past 15 days I've worked right around 81 hours, so thankfully I'm getting paid on Thursday! Supervising the new store has been better. I'm starting to create bonds with the employees and starting to get the hang of things. I'm bringing on more responsibilities in hopes of getting the pseudo-manager position.

My voice lesson class has also been going well! We're starting to analyze music in order to really perform it. So, I'm excited. I feel like I'm understanding how to be better and I'm trying to get there. Any improvements would be good, haha.

Social life? WELL. I've actually started dating someone. Well, Neil to be exact. It's really funny to look back on our history together and then see where we are today. I don't know what I expect out of it, and honestly I don't expect anything. I think I'm just waiting to see what happens. It's exciting though, something new for sure. So we'll see what happens :)

All in all, life is not too shabby.

Thank you for making me feel worth something. It's given me more strength than anything has in a while.

I'm ready to kick ass at camp this weekend. I just want to be good, because this season...we can be good. We're going to rock it.

Drama drama drama drama drama. That's all that's been happening at work lately. Here's the scoop. Eddie and I went over to Casas (the other Paradise store in Oro Valley) to take over and run it with Don (the only manager left of the original team). So, we get in there, and instantly there's hate and drama. It sucks going into a new work environment and not knowing shit. But on top of that being looked down upon because you're doing things differently. The employee's over there are not okay with change. At all. Like, seriously. If you have new management, things are going to change. That's just what is going to happen. Especially if the changes are going to benefit the work place and how the place functions. There are plenty of people who are looking for jobs. If you don't wanna work there because you can handle making soups 1 hour earlier than you're used to, dude, get the fuck out, we don't need your drama. We're experience in what we do, we know what we're doing. Stores haven't closed down with this management team, in fact we've helped stores out a lot. I'm just frustrated by being hated because I'm doing the right thing. And on top of that, I'm in the middle because I have the management telling me how to run things, but I have the employees bitching at me because of the way things are being run. I mean, it'll all settle down in another week or so. Just right now, it's not fun. On top of the fact that I've never dealt with such rude customers in my whole life. Some old people are just mean.

Other than work. Well, I have my voice class, took a few notes today and did a few singing exercises. I was the one who got skipped and then at the end of the exercise the teacher asked if she skipped anyone, and I didn't speak up, and then it didn't matter. I'm not sure why I never speak up. I'd like to think I've gotten past my shy stage. I think it might just be because singing is such a different place for me than what I'm used to. But I'm excited. It'll help me become more confident for sure.

I'd like to write about Academy. But. There are too many personal things going on with Academy right now that cover up the good parts of the season thus far. We'll see how things go. I'm really striving towards an awesome year. A good year to leave on and a good year to leave everyone else with, everyone else who can continue on after this. I'm still really not able to believe that this will be my last summer to march, ever. That's kind of crazy to me.

Living with Corbin is fine. Zedd (our kitten) is pretty sick, he won't stop sneezing. The poor thing. And Corbin is sick again, which is like the 2nd time in under two weeks, he's pretty unhappy with it. I wish I knew something to make them both feel better. But all I do is play my tuba and make salads, so I don't really have experience with real life :P

Well. This was fun. And I think I'm tired enough to go to bed now.